The Bat Cave

Starring: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber
Director: Phillip Noyce (The Bone Collector, Patriot Games, Clear And Present Danger)
Quick Thoughts: Straight up ridiculous. I had low expectations for Salt and was suprised during the first 45 minutes or so when it looked like it was going to be a decent spy-thriller action flick… and then the script starts to go crazy, with each twist and turn more insulting to the audience than the last. I’m still having problems digesting the implications of the last line of the movie. I feel like someone stole the rug out from underneath me and then hit me over the head with it. It makes me want to throw the DVD into the lake behind my house instead of returning it to Red Box to save the next person from being subjected to its nonsene. It’s a given that Angelina Jolie is a great actress when it comes to action flicks and she does a good job here, kicking all sorts of ass, but honestly, I can’t get past the script. It’s so stupid. The movie can’t seem to decide if Evelyn Salt is its hero or antagonist. I’m guessing we’re supposed to feel strongly a certain way (hero), but I can think of several scenes in the movie that make me think otherwise. I don’t want to spoil any of the “surprises,” so I won’t bitch too specifically about what pissed me off and I’ll just close by saying: this movie sucks.
Viewings: 1
Replay Value: I feel like an idiot for even watching it once.
Sequel Potential: It would be some sort of screenwriting feat for someone to come up with another Salt story that could get the green light.
Oscar Potential: Believe it or not, this movie has an Oscar nomination: Sound Mixing
Nudity: The moronic twists in this movie reminded me of Wild Things. You know why Wild Things is a cult classic? Because of Denise Richards’ breasts and bi-curious female characters. Angelina Jolie in her underwear can’t save this movie.
Grade: 2/10 (Horrible)
Recommendation: Salt isn’t quite as bad as I’m making it out to be, but when I’m rating movies, I often think of what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish and whether or not they succeeded. I feel like the writer of Salt probably thinks he wrote a clever and smart thriller, but in reality, there’s nothing witty about the script. It just twists and turns out of the blue with no rhyme or reason and makes no sense whatsoever. Just when you think it can’t get any dumber, it somehow manages to do just that. Not the worst movie I’ve seen this year, but certainly the most insulting to my intelligence. Don’t watch this piece of shit.