Starring: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber
Director: Phillip Noyce (The Bone Collector, Patriot Games, Clear And Present Danger)
Quick Thoughts: Straight up ridiculous. I had low expectations for Salt and was suprised during the first 45 minutes or so when it looked like it was going to be a decent spy-thriller action flick… and then the script starts to go crazy, with each twist and turn more insulting to the audience than the last. I’m still having problems digesting the implications of the last line of the movie. I feel like someone stole the rug out from underneath me and then hit me over the head with it. It makes me want to throw the DVD into the lake behind my house instead of returning it to Red Box to save the next person from being subjected to its nonsene. It’s a given that Angelina Jolie is a great actress when it comes to action flicks and she does a good job here, kicking all sorts of ass, but honestly, I can’t get past the script. It’s so stupid. The movie can’t seem to decide if Evelyn Salt is its hero or antagonist. I’m guessing we’re supposed to feel strongly a certain way (hero), but I can think of several scenes in the movie that make me think otherwise. I don’t want to spoil any of the “surprises,” so I won’t bitch too specifically about what pissed me off and I’ll just close by saying: this movie sucks.
Viewings: 1
Replay Value: I feel like an idiot for even watching it once.
Sequel Potential: It would be some sort of screenwriting feat for someone to come up with another Salt story that could get the green light.
Oscar Potential: Believe it or not, this movie has an Oscar nomination: Sound Mixing
Nudity: The moronic twists in this movie reminded me of Wild Things. You know why Wild Things is a cult classic? Because of Denise Richards’ breasts and bi-curious female characters. Angelina Jolie in her underwear can’t save this movie.
Grade: 2/10 (Horrible)
Recommendation: Salt isn’t quite as bad as I’m making it out to be, but when I’m rating movies, I often think of what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish and whether or not they succeeded. I feel like the writer of Salt probably thinks he wrote a clever and smart thriller, but in reality, there’s nothing witty about the script. It just twists and turns out of the blue with no rhyme or reason and makes no sense whatsoever. Just when you think it can’t get any dumber, it somehow manages to do just that. Not the worst movie I’ve seen this year, but certainly the most insulting to my intelligence. Don’t watch this piece of shit.
Posts Tagged ‘angelina jolie’
Salt (2010)
February 21, 2011Movie Reviews (7/18/2009)
August 5, 2009Changeling (2008)
Angelina Jolie in an Oscar-nominated role in a film directed by Clint Eastwood? Sign me up. Based on a true story, the film is set in 1920s Los Angeles, a time when the LAPD is known for being corrupt, violent, and generally scumbaggish. Jolie plays Christine Collins, whose son disappears one day while she’s off running errands or something. After a few weeks, the police department finds a boy claiming to be Walter Collins and Christine takes him in despite realizing the boy is not her son. The film focuses on Christine’s battle with the police force and she eventually winds up in an LAPD-controlled insane asylum for her continued claims that her son is still missing. I’m surprised this film didn’t get more award attention… Jolie definitely deserved her nomination and Clint Eastwood has proven himself as one of the best filmmakers over the past decade. Grade: 7 out of 10 (Must See)
Gran Torino (2008)
Another Clint Eastwood film, this time the director stars as a recently widowed man stuck in his old fashioned racist ways as he takes a look around at his mostly ethnic neighbors. It’s a rare movie that can take racist slurs like “zipperhead” and “slopes” and turn them into terms of endearment, but by the end of the film, one forgets the negative connotations that come with such phrases. There’s no doubt about it, even at 80+ years old, Eastwood is still a bad ass. The two Asian teenagers also gave solid performances. I can imagine some people would be disappointed with the ending, but I thought it was pretty realistic given the circumstances. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and it’s good enough that I’d add it to my collection. Grade: 7.5 out of 10 (Must See/Excellent)
Transformers 2: Rise Of The Fallen (2009)
I’m in the vast minority on this one, but I hated this movie. I expected the first film to be a disaster, but I wound up enjoying it for what it was: a solid, mindless action flick. The sequel starts off dope enough, with some good action sequences, but the last half of the film is filled with all sorts of unwanted plot development. I honestly didn’t even understand what was going on most of the time… or worse, I didn’t care. I just want to see robots fighting. I don’t want to see Indiana Jones Jr. searching for the lost relic, or whatever the hell they were looking for. I hated the movie so much, I ended up leaving in the middle of the finale because I had somewhere else to be. Shia LeBeouf is the new Vin Diesel: the star of a bunch of overhyped, shitty action movies. Grade: 3 out of 10 (Painful)
The Hangover (2009)
I wish someone would’ve dragged me to this movie on opening day. I had no intentions of ever seeing it. The previews looked kind of stupid to me, but I couldn’t ignore the tremendous word of mouth, from critics and audiences alike, it was getting. I was hearing ridiculous praise like “it’s the funniest movie of all-time,” so I had to go see what all the fuss was about. Unfortunately, I was late enough on seeing it that some of the best gags were already spoiled for me. Despite that, I definitely liked this comedy and while it might be a tad overhyped, the film is consistently funny and has enough repeat value that I’ll probably buy it when it comes out. There’s also a chance that it will grow on me like most comedies tend to do. With the exception of the groom-to-be, the cast was pretty damn funny and Zach Galifianakis as Alan was especially hilarious. This movie has a collective 8.2 out of 10 rating on www.imdb.com, good enough for the #171st highest rated movie of all-time. That’s a pretty generous ranking, but this movie was pretty dope. Oh, and a sequel is already in development. Can’t really see where they are going to go from here, but if it’s the same general team, sign me up. Grade: 7 out of 10 (Must See)
Rudy (1993)
Ironically, Rudy, one of the most praised sports films of all-time, doesn’t crack the top 250 all-time list on www.imdb.com. So essentially, the general populace says that The Hangover is the superior film. I can’t say I really agree with that (although, it’s not really fair to compare a movie that’s 2 months old to something that came out over 15 years ago). The story in Rudy is truly phenomenal and inspiring. Anyone lacking confidence in achieving their goals should watch this movie to remind themselves what is possible when someone truly chases their dreams. Sean Astin has been trying to establish a name for himself outside of this role ever since this movie came out. He does an excellent job in the film and really makes his character’s persistence shine through. Grade: 7.5 out of 10 (Must See)
The Bat Cave 