Posts Tagged ‘monster movies’

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Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017)

February 24, 2018

Starring: Who cares
Director: Victor Salva (Jeepers Creepers, Jeepers Creepers 2)

Bottom Line: Man. Sometimes you think something is going to be a good idea and then you wonder what the hell you were thinking. I don’t know why I thought watching Jeepers Creepers 3 would be a fun experience. I am admittedly partial to horror movies and I’ve been known to find joy in watching plenty of mediocre films in the genre. I remember seeing the first Jeepers Creepers all the way back in 2001 and how much the first 20 minutes of that movie blew my mind with how tense it and scary it was and then it blew my mind again (in a bad way) when it’s tone suddenly shifted to full blown unkillable monster movie. I thought I watched the sequel, but after reading the synopsis on Wikipedia the only thing that rang a bell was the school bus and when I watched the last ten minutes of the movie on YouTube, I didn’t remember the ending. So why did I watch Jeepers Creepers 3?

I don’t know. It was a mistake. If you didn’t love the first two movies, you can safely skip this one. It’s really, really bad. And not really, really bad in a good way. It just sucks. I don’t know how many horror monster movies I’ve seen that take place in broad daylight, but talk about a mood killer. The sun is shining radiantly for all but the last 20 minutes of this movie. So the filmmakers could save money on lighting? There is one decent jump scare in this movie and absolutely zero tension. The acting was unsurprisingly shoddy and the score for the film was laughable at times. It seems like the plot wants to tie the film’s characters to The Creeper somehow, but I didn’t really get it. Like, the main girl’s mother has one of The Creeper’s hands buried in the yard, but I don’t get how that makes the girl special? There’s some sort of Creeper bounty team, but I didn’t really understand how or why they existed, or how they were aware of the monster and its hibernation habits. Maybe it’s a call back to the older movies I didn’t see or don’t remember. It’s not much of a spoiler to reveal that good prevails over evil in the end… but I watched it… and I still don’t really know how.

Eh. I decided to type this review tonight because I knew it would be easy to share my sentiment and I’ve already wasted too many words on it. It’s amazing to me that Victor Salva took 13 years to write something this bad. Jeepers Creepers 3 sucks. Stay away. This was the worst movie I’ve seen in a while.

Replay Value: None.
Sequel Potential: Evil never dies. The film ends with a teaser for part 4. Oh joy.
Oscar Potential: Zero.

Grade: 2/10 (Horrible)

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Piranha 3D (2010)

September 2, 2010

“There are thousands of them and they are pissed!”

Aspiring horror directors should take note of what the filmmakers of Piranha 3D have accomplished. Here’s a movie that, despite its surprisingly decent cast and acting that isn’t always laughable, doesn’t take itself seriously at all. A franchise like Friday The 13th has proven that a horror film doesn’t have to be Silence Of The Lambs or Halloween to become wildly popular. Unfortunately, most horror movies, especially over the past decade, have tried to travel a middle ground between camp and quality, that often results in a huge, contrived mess. Piranha has no such notions and sticks to a proven formula for enjoyable monster movies: lots of nudity, lots of blood, and innovative death scenes.

There were moments during the first hour of the movie when I was wondering when the carnage was going to start, but thankfully, the first hour is also filled with hot naked chicks and enough killing to keep us interested. The last half hour is when the fun really starts. Once it becomes known that prehistoric piranha with an appetite for human flesh have infiltrated Lake Victoria, it doesn’t take long for all hell to break loose. I won’t spoil anything, but this movie has some of the coolest death scenes I’ve EVER seen. Some of the gore is over the top (see the movie and you’ll know what I’m talking about), but it’s been a while since I’ve gone “Ooooh!” this many times in a movie.

Sure, some of the plot elements of Piranha are ridiculous at best, and there was some dialogue that made me laugh out loud for bad reasons, but I can’t imagine anyone willing to buy a ticket coming out disappointed. You have to know what you’re getting into going to see a movie like this. Piranha is a great monster movie. It’s not comparable to the classic horror flicks I mentioned earlier, but only because the greatness of those films extend beyond the genre of horror. Give me a horror movie with great deaths, porn stars getting naked (and then mutilated), and a focus on fun, and I’m never going to complain.

Grade: B+
Viewings: 1
Replay Value: I’d watch it again and maybe even buy it when it hits the bargain buckets.
Sequel Potential: Sequel was set up at the end and already announced by the studio. I’m interested, but I could see how it could go downhill fast.
Oscars?: None
Nudity: Yes! Tons! A horror flick that knows how to do it right!

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