Posts Tagged ‘nicotine addiction’


Mission: Impossible – Quitting Nicotine (Day 5)

August 22, 2010

Okay, last night was a total bitch… just as I thought it would be. I actually did stop at the gas station, but I stopped for something to drink, not for chew. As I was paying though, I thought about how easy it would be to purchase a can and just simply not tell anyone. If I were to buy a can last night and suddenly not update this section of my blog for a few days, would anyone even know? Who am I doing this for anyways? Well, I made it through the night.

Today, I woke up and read an interesting comment on one of my Mission:Impossible posts. The poster said “Quitting nicotine needs no willpower if you a)understand the true facts and b)decide you don’t want to take nicotine any more.” Naturally, this poster didn’t share what the “true facts” are and added “If you think about [it], why would it take any willpower not to do something you don’t want to do. At the moment you are deriving yourself of something you still want to do.” This is a fair point and it’s one I often thought about when I quit drinking for the first time. Any time I heard someone say they were going to try and do something or try to quit something, I would just smirk to myself knowing that they would fail. In my mind, if you needed to try to ween yourself off something, you might as well save yourself the pain and effort. You don’t try to quit anything, you simply do it.

It made me wonder what this man that commented on my post does with his day. Does he get on Google and search for the keywords “quitting smoking” or “please come rain on my parade” and stop by for a reality check that wasn’t asked for in the first place? Listen, I know this is a hopeless task. Why do you think I named it Mission: Impossible? What I don’t need is someone stopping by and bringing me down for trying to achieve a goal, no matter how far-fetched it may be. Do I want to quit using nicotine? When I was at the gas station today looking at my favorite brand, my body was sure as hell saying “No… No you do not.” But logic says a completely different thing.

So yeah, I’m going to use willpower to quit nicotine. But really all that means is that I’m using willpower to get through the tough part… the first couple weeks. Believe me, I want nothing more than to say “screw it” and admit that this poster was right. Honestly, a fresh can of chewing tobacco sounds more satisfying right now than a blowjob from Angelina Jolie. So no, I don’t want to quit and yes, I’ll probably fail in the end… but do me a favor, if you’re going to visit this section of my blog and post comments, please try to keep them positive. I need cheerleaders, not naysayers.


Mission: Impossible – Quitting Nicotine (Day 4)

August 21, 2010

Okay, last night I didn’t sleep well at all. I don’t know if it was because I hadn’t been chewing leading up to going to bed or because I’d been chugging Mountain Dew all day long and continued to do so past midnight. My guess is the latter, considering my body was tired, but my mind just wouldn’t stop racing.

Today hasn’t been all that rough. I woke up around 11:30 and I’ve basically been lounging around and playing online poker since. I’m having a ridiculously bad day of poker. One of those days where you look at the board and only one or two hands can beat what you have and they have it every single time. I think I got stacked four times in less than an hour playing NL cash games today. Just a brutal session. I always seem to follow up a nice score with a terrible day. The Poker Gods just refuse to let me consistently build a bankroll. All in all, I haven’t been running well in cash games anyways. I should just stick to tournaments… I’m killing them right now, I just don’t have time for them today.

When you have a bad day of poker like I’m having, it’s natural to want to cave in and buy some chew, take a dip, and relieve the tension. Today, I’m preferring to take the Lord’s name in vain… repeatedly. My roommates are church-going fellows and are probably a J.F.C. away from giving me a holy knuckle sandwich. Knuckle sandwich? Who says that anymore? That reminds me, is it possible to bring back the word “dweeb?” I haven’t heard it in a long time and I know that if someone were to call me a “dweeb,” even today, it’d feel like being punched in the stomach. It’s more insulting than “douche,” which has become today’s most popular cliche put down. We’re all a bunch of “fags” and the only people insulted by that nowadays are the actual gay people that are loosely being associated with all the “douches” and “dweebs” tossing their sexuality around like it applies to everything. Homosexuality has become the Insult World’s “it tastes like chicken.”

Okay… I’m obviously going nuts right now. I need to get ready for work, which will be a good thing. My post-shift dip is a big one and the drive home is even bigger. If I make it back to you with my dipless streak still in tact, there might be hope for me yet.

Hours since last dip: 18


Mission:Impossible – Quitting Nicotine – Day 3

August 20, 2010

10:00 A.M.

Today is the day that I plan to quit chewing. I woke up this morning with parts of two cans left, but certainly not enough to get me through the day. I have the day off, which is odd, because I work every single Friday, so I don’t have the luxury of serving tables for 6-7 hours to get me off to a nice, fresh start. That also means I won’t have the immense craving to take a dip as soon as I’m finished with my shift.

Some people might think that it’s odd for me to decide to quit tobacco when I have a likely second DUI conviction hanging over my head with potentially life-ruining consequences. With such pressure on my shoulders, quitting my two biggest vices within a month of each other might seem a colossal challenge, but I’m up for it. It simply needs to be done.

12:30 P.M.

Okay, I’m awake now for real. I just took the last dip of one my cans and it’s time to prepare myself for the day. It’s going to be rough since I basically have nothing to do all day. I went to the gas station to buy some groceries, but also to make sure I got some sunflower seeds and gum… it’s important to keep my mouth working if I’m going to get through this.

4:45 P.M.

Just put my last dip in.

6:00 P.M.

Damn, I’m hungry, but I can’t spit this dip out prematurely. I must savor it to its last dying bits of flavor… until the spit is no longer tobacco-colored. I am kind of starving though. My last real meal (and by that I mean Taco Bell) was Wednesday night. Yesterday I ate some fries, some soup, and half a peach cobbler. That’s it. Today, I’ve had some chips. I’m kind of dying here. I think I’ll get a pizza… but probably not for two more hours. LOL.

8:00 P.M.

Okay, I’ve had this last dip in for 3+ hours and my hunger is starting to overwhelm me. I just ordered a pizza, which is going to take about a half hour to get here. The final stretch of use has begun.

8:49 P.M.

Pizza has arrived and I just spit out my last dip. Abstaining begins…

8:53 P.M.

Wow, this pizza is lukewarm as fuck. Shit was probably ready 30 minutes ago. Shouldn’t have to pay $20 for a pizza and need to hit up the microwave.

9:30 P.M.

Just finished eating that lackluster pizza and as I was nearing completion, I could feel that craving coming over me. For a couple of minutes, I seriously considered saying “Fuck it,” but then I remembered the three people following my blog would be disappointed in me. The craving has died a little bit, but it was always extremely strong as soon as I was finished with a meal. Thankfully, I have a full bag of chips, sunflower seeds, and a pack of gum to tide me through the night. I have a feeling I’ve already passed the toughest craving I’m going to get tonight.

1:19 A.M.

Or maybe not. I’ve just spent the last 5+ hours playing in an online poker tournament. I finished 7th out of 1761 people for a healthy prize. Not what I was shooting for, and at the moment I’m kind of disappointed, but it was a great score for my bankroll. While I was playing, I kept busy by chewing sunflower seeds, eating pizza, and chewing gum, but as soon as the tournament was over, I once again considered pushing back my start date. I can start my quest on Monday, right? All I have to do is drive down to the gas station and I can put myself out of this misery. Am I even going to be able to sleep tonight? I think I’m going to make it through tonight because my favored chew is sold at very few places and the one nearby is closed now, so I’d be getting a second rate product if I broke down right now. Not really worth it.

I’ve been typing up my thoughts as they’ve come to me all day and now that I’m about to go to bed, or at least lay down, I’m finally going to publish it. I might have more to add later tonight if I have problems getting to sleep, but if not, I’ll see you tomorrow, my first full day of tobacco abstinence.