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Revisiting 1990: Dick Tracy

September 13, 2010

Considered For: Guilty Pleasure

“The enemy of my enemy is my enemy.”

Plot: Popular detective Dick Tracy (Warren Beatty) tries to put a stop to a mob headed by Big Boy Caprice (Al Pacino) while maintaining a healthy relationship with girlfriend Tess Trueheart (Glenne Headley). Matters are complicated when he becomes a father figure for an orphaned boy and faces the seduction of a sultry singer named Breathless Mahoney (Madonna).

Dick Tracy was actually a pretty fun film. It reminded me a lot of Tim Burton’s Batman, released a year prior. The art direction definitely has a comic book feel to it and the make up of the villains is certainly campy. However, when comparing the two films, it’s not difficult to realize which one is superior. Batman has a much better story and looks waaaaaaaaaaay cooler, despite a lesser budget. I never read any Dick Tracy comics, so I don’t know anything about the mythology, but Warren Beatty couldn’t have been the best actor for this role. Sure, he directed the film, but his portrayal of Dick Tracy didn’t strike me as very suave or heroic… and maybe he’s not supposed to be. Al Pacino stole the show in this movie as Big Boy Caprice. It’s hard to believe he gave a performance as animated as this in the same calender year that he was so boring in The Godfather: Part III. It doesn’t even seem like the same person, which I guess is a testament to his range as an actor. He deserved his Oscar nomination for the role. Madonna channels her inner Marilyn Monroe as Breathless Mahoney, giving a sexy performance that combined solid acting with dainty singing. She is definitely a uniquely talented woman. The story here isn’t particularly interesting and the main conflict essentially boils down to Tracy deciding what’s more important to him: his career or his woman? Dick Tracy could easily have been a complete failure, but Pacino, Madonna, and interesting sets make it a movie worth remembering.

Grade: B
Viewings: 2
Replay Value: There’s a twist at the end that might make a second viewing worthwhile… or maybe not.
Sequel Potential: It grossed $100 million at a time when that was considered a blockbuster, but never got a sequel… the potential is there though.
Oscars?: Nominated for seven Oscars with wins for Best Make-Up, Best Art Direction, and Best Original Song. Pacino got a Supporting Actor nom.
Nudity?: You’d think not, considering the movie is rated PG, but you can clearly see Madonna’s nipples in one scene.

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Poker: September 2010 Results

September 13, 2010

This is a bit premature, but I self-excluded myself from playing online poker for the rest of the month, so it’s not going to change much. Here are the results:

Starting Bankroll: $109.75
Ending Bankroll: $0.04
Net Profit: -$100.71
Deposits: $25
Cash Outs: $100
Transfers: $0
Rake Back: $35.71 (through Sept. 10th)
Bonuses: $50
Tournaments: +$69.20
Cash Games: -$341.33

Notes:

-I went busto on September 2nd and had to deposit money for the first time in ages. I put in $25 and got about $20 in rake back and built that $45 up to a peak of $366 within a week.

-I only cashed in 3 of 23 online tournaments I played before banning myself, but all of them were final tables. My best showing was 1st of 135 for +$149.50.

-When my bankroll reached $366, I decided to do something rare: cash some out.

-After my cash out and a couple days basically treading water, I decided to take a shot at a $100 buy-in NL cash game. This was 10x higher than I was usually playing and it seems whenever I decide to take a shot, the Gods punish me for it. The pivotal hands:

—I have Tc8c in the BB and someone raises it to $5. I’m going to fold if it folds around to me, but the SB calls and I decide to take a flop. The board comes T83 with two hearts. SB checks and the opening raiser has about $42 left and my objective is to get as much of it as possible. I figure if he has an overpair, I’m stacking him no matter what. If he has unpaired high cards, he might not call if I bet, but he’ll likely make a continuation bet if it checks to him and maybe even price himself in. Since checking seems to make me more money, that’s what I do. He goes all-in. Yay! The small blind calls $42. Boo! Not what I was hoping for at all. What does this guy have? I go into the tank for a bit… It’s really unlikely that he has TT or 88 since I have two of those cards and two of them are on the board… 33 is certainly a possibility, but I convince myself that it’s probably a big heart draw. Since I’m playing way over my head, the safe play would be to fold, but if I end up folding the winning hand, I’m not going to forgive myself. Since I think my hand is good, calling is out of the question, and I go all-in for $108. The SB calls and shows AhKh and the 4h comes on the turn and I don’t fill up. $270 pot and roughly 40% of my bankroll gets shipped to him.

—After that last beat, I decide to call it a night, but I can’t sleep at all because I’m steaming so bad. So I get back online and sit down in the same game looking to make my money back quickly. After a few hands, I pick up KK and make it $3.50 to go. Someone re-raises me to $10.50. Ugh. Am I really going to be up against aces right now? The button calls him. It folds back to me… only one hand has me beat, but do I believe it? I decide to go Matt Damon in Rounders and just shove it all-in for $100+. The re-raiser folds, which is great, but the button calls, which is shocking. What does this guy have that he’d play that way? Amazingly, he shows 22 and before I can even get over the shock of seeing his hand, he spikes a set on the flop, and stacks 70% of my remaining bankroll. Unbelievable. I’m playing on a Rush table, so I don’t even get the satisfaction of being able to berate him for such a horrendous play.

—I’m down to like $45 and take it to same $100NL game and decide that I’m getting it all-in at the first sane opportunity. After a few spots where my opponents fold, I pick up AQ and get one caller with position on me. I bet the pot on an A high flop and he calls. I get it all-in on a blank turn and he shows a flopped set and I’m busto for the second time this month.

-I played live for the first time in a loooooooong while. I went into Bremerton Lanes to see if they had a tournament and it was super dead. There were about five people waiting around in a live game and I decided to sit down against my better judgement. I bought in for $100 to play $4-$8, to kill the hour before the tournament, and basically just dwindled. I won two pots and they were both small and I never picked up any big hands. Lost $66.

Highlights from the live tournament:

—blinds @ 50-100 on deep stacks. One person limps, I limp with 66, SB calls, BB raises to $600. First limper folds, and since we are on deep stacks and I know this player will dump if I spike a set, I call. SB folds and the flop comes 953. He checks to me and it looks like a bet, but I’ve played with this guy before and I don’t think he’d make that raise w/out a pair, so I check behind and take one off. Turn is a 2 and he bets $800. I’m still pretty sure he has an overpair, but his check on the flop leaves enough doubt that I speculate with a call, plus I should have six outs, position, and some other river cards I might be able to bluff with. River is gin: a four peels off. No flush on board, so I’m sure I have the nuts. He leads out for $1000, which looks like an ace. I doubt he’d make that bet with KK/QQ/JJ, so I expect to get paid off and raise it to $2700, hoping he might even re-raise. He just calls and I’m surprised when he tables 99 for top set. hahaha… sorry buddy! Nice pot for me. It’s a pretty odd river call for him, but sometimes I think people need to show how bad of a beat they took… and I appreciate it!

—blinds @ 200-400. UTG goes all-in for about 1900 and I’m UTG+1 with AA and about $12K. I decide to just call because some players behind me have been raise happy. Everyone folds except the small blind, who calls also. The flop comes AT9 with two hearts. SB checks to me and even though I have top set, a bet is in order because that board is super draw-friendly. I bet out $1500 and the small blind becomes exasperated. I’m all for the cooperation play in a lot of spots, but this is not one of them. After throwing a mini-fit, he says “Fine, I’ll all-in” and raises about $7500 more. Hahahahhahaha. I call and flip over my aces and he tables QQ and walks away sonned.

—blinds @ 300-600. I pick up AA and raise to 1500. I have over $20K at this point and a player behind me has even more chips. We are easily the chip leaders at the table. He’s been really raise happy and doesn’t disappoint when he makes it $5500 to go. It folds around back to me and I go into acting mode. I count my chips, see how much I’d have left if I call and fold later, basically trying to sell AK or some other hand… After a minute or so, I go all-in and he instacalls and shows JJ. I hold and I have an enormous chip lead. I got chastised by a couple players after this hand, including my opponent. Some of the comments: “he had to think about that one” — “yeah, he must’ve been worried I had a set” etc. Uhhh… okay noobs. If I shove all-in without thinking about it, my hand range can be narrowed down pretty easily. I know if I had JJ in his spot, I would fold it. Hell, I wouldn’t have re-raised in the first place. Maybe my acting job didn’t play a role at all and he would have spewed with JJ regardless, but there’s certainly no rule that says if you have aces you must reraise as soon as possible.

—Per usual, when I get a huge chip lead, I get card dead for a long time and eventually dwindle down to an average stack. I make the final table with a good amount of chips, but all my opening raises get shoved on and I have to fold my attempts to steal the blinds.

—Busto hand: blinds are 2000-4000 and I have about $21K. Two people limp in, SB calls, and I have AT in the BB. I have enough chips left behind that the limpers can’t call me without fear and the limps indicate there isn’t a lot of strength out there, so I shove and take my chances. First person folds, but the second hesitates for a bit, sighs, and decides to call. She tables 99 and flops a set. GG. 7th place for money back. Laaaaaaaaaaaame.

Another shitty month… but on the bright side, I cashed out more money than I put into gambling this month, so my wallet actually saw a profit. I keep saying that playing above my bankroll is one of my biggest leaks, but I don’t think it’s wrong to take shots. I don’t want to grind it out for nickels and dimes and no one makes it big by playing it safe. It would just be nice if one time I took a shot something ridiculous didn’t happen. Sigh. Until next month….

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Revisiting 1990: Jacob’s Ladder

September 10, 2010

Considered For: Top 5

“Mr. Singer. What an appropriate name for a man that can’t shut up.”

Plot: Jacob Singer (Tim Robbins) is a traumatized Vietnam war vet that finds himself experiencing hallucinations when he returns to “normal” life in New York City.

I think Roger Ebert said it best when he stated that Jacob’s Ladder “was not a pleasant experience, but it was exhilarating in the sense that I was able to observe filmmakers working at the edge of their abilities and inspirations.” This was a tough movie to sit through. Between the swift editing that jumps from one point in time to another with no explanation and Jacob’s increasingly bizarre hallucinations throughout the film, it’s hard to get a grasp on what’s going on. It’s not an easy film to follow and as a result, it’s certainly not for everyone. There’s some good, scary imagery in this movie and Tim Robbins gives a decent performance. There’s a big twist in this movie, but the pay off isn’t that great if you have an idea what it is already before you start watching the movie. I admittedly struggled to get through this one and was thankful when it was over. It’s not a bad movie by any means, but it’s not an easy watch and I wouldn’t go out of my way to recommend it.

Grade: C
Viewings: 1
Replay Value: I’ll probably never watch it again, but I can see the appeal of multiple viewings.
Sequel Potential: None.
Oscars?: No nominations.
Nudity?: Elizabeth Pena plays one of Jacob’s love interests and spends the vast majority of her scenes naked. Probably the best thing about the movie.

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Piranha 3D (2010)

September 2, 2010

“There are thousands of them and they are pissed!”

Aspiring horror directors should take note of what the filmmakers of Piranha 3D have accomplished. Here’s a movie that, despite its surprisingly decent cast and acting that isn’t always laughable, doesn’t take itself seriously at all. A franchise like Friday The 13th has proven that a horror film doesn’t have to be Silence Of The Lambs or Halloween to become wildly popular. Unfortunately, most horror movies, especially over the past decade, have tried to travel a middle ground between camp and quality, that often results in a huge, contrived mess. Piranha has no such notions and sticks to a proven formula for enjoyable monster movies: lots of nudity, lots of blood, and innovative death scenes.

There were moments during the first hour of the movie when I was wondering when the carnage was going to start, but thankfully, the first hour is also filled with hot naked chicks and enough killing to keep us interested. The last half hour is when the fun really starts. Once it becomes known that prehistoric piranha with an appetite for human flesh have infiltrated Lake Victoria, it doesn’t take long for all hell to break loose. I won’t spoil anything, but this movie has some of the coolest death scenes I’ve EVER seen. Some of the gore is over the top (see the movie and you’ll know what I’m talking about), but it’s been a while since I’ve gone “Ooooh!” this many times in a movie.

Sure, some of the plot elements of Piranha are ridiculous at best, and there was some dialogue that made me laugh out loud for bad reasons, but I can’t imagine anyone willing to buy a ticket coming out disappointed. You have to know what you’re getting into going to see a movie like this. Piranha is a great monster movie. It’s not comparable to the classic horror flicks I mentioned earlier, but only because the greatness of those films extend beyond the genre of horror. Give me a horror movie with great deaths, porn stars getting naked (and then mutilated), and a focus on fun, and I’m never going to complain.

Grade: B+
Viewings: 1
Replay Value: I’d watch it again and maybe even buy it when it hits the bargain buckets.
Sequel Potential: Sequel was set up at the end and already announced by the studio. I’m interested, but I could see how it could go downhill fast.
Oscars?: None
Nudity: Yes! Tons! A horror flick that knows how to do it right!

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August 2010 Poker Results

September 2, 2010

Disclaimer: Since I live in a state where gambling online is illegal everything I’m about to post is clearly a figment of my imagination. I’m a law-abiding citizen.

I started viciously tracking my results this past month in an effort to improve my game and be honest about my results. When it comes to gambling, unless you happen to make a huge score in a tournament, it’s a daily grind that features a lot of ups and downs along the way. In the past, I liked to start tracking my results after a good day and then suddenly lose interest when things turned sour. This past month, I confirmed a lot of what I have long suspected have been leaks in my game. Here are my results:

Starting Bankroll: $163.41
Ending Bankroll: $109.75
Net Profit: -$53.66
Deposits: $0
Cash Outs: $0
Transfers: $0
RakeBack: +$243.49
Tournaments: +$254.98
Cash Games: -$552.13

Notes:

-My bankroll peaked at $716 on August 19th. I combined terrible luck with poor bankroll management and sketchy play over the last two weeks of the month, resulting in a horrid stretch that left me in the red for the month.

-My cash game results are terrible and represent the biggest inconsistency in my poker game. I can dominate for long stretches of time, but if there’s one thing I’ve noticed about myself it’s that I tend to implode when I start to hit a bad run. I never seem to have a minor losing stretch, I always compound my bad luck with horrible decision-making.

-I played 61 tournaments in August, with an average field of 586, and cashed in 14 of them, which gave me a respectable 23% In The Money rate.

-My biggest cash was a net profit of $363.73 for a 7th place finish in $3.30 No Limit rebuy tournament that had a field of 1,761 players.

-I went on a sick tournament streak in the middle of the month. I cashed in 10 of 17 tournaments over five days, including five final tables in a wide variety of games (3rd in HORSE, 5th in Pot Limit Omaha, 1st in Stud, 3rd in NL, and 7th in NL+rebuys). During this stretch, I made $555.94 playing tournaments.

Goals For September:

-Limit my cash game play even though it’s how I build rakeback. I obviously lost more playing them than I made in rakeback.

-Take some days off.

-Make at least one big tournament score.

-Have a winning month!

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Pyro – Pieces To The Puzzle Album Release Party

September 2, 2010

Download Pyro’s album here.

It’s hard to believe that only five months ago, Phil Houston was the opening act at a small hip-hop show that attracted only a handful of people. Even then, one could sense that he might be something special. At that first show, the 24 year old emcee, now better known as Pyro, got the club popping in a way that no one else could that night. With a strong circle of friends and catchy music, Pyro took the stage and had the place rocking in no time. In fact, Houston brought in so many unexpected guests that the main act, Fat Camp, decided to go on first (instead of the last slot usually reserved for a headliner) and tried to take advantage of a palpably hyped crowd. Until Pyro got on stage, however, it still looked like every other hip-hop show we’ve ever seen in Bremerton: a few people standing around, talking, barely paying attention to a couple of guys that were okay at rapping.

Saturday, August 28th, 2010, Pyro celebrated the release party of his debut album Pieces To The Puzzle and marked both the beginning and the end of a long journey. I’ve seen this man pour his blood, sweat, and tears into this album over the past half year, often wondering if it was even worth it. It’s hard to console someone that’s really got something going for them, but a fear of being unappreciated and overlooked is understandable in a city that has failed to produce a single noteworthy hip-hop act outside of Blue Scholars’ Geologic–and Geo didn’t even become well-known until he took his talents to Seattle.

Until recently, it’s been debatable what the problem is: a lack of talented rappers or a weak hip-hop market in Bremerton? Most local rappers would probably argue that it’s the latter, but Pyro’s release party proved that is simply not true. South Pacific bar, located near the Bremerton ferry, was packed, with roughly 400-500 people jammed inside, making it hard to walk around without getting a drink knocked out of your hands. During Pyro’s set, the majority of the crowd was locked into the performance, often reciting along with the lyrics, adding their own flavor to each song, and generally acting a fool.

So what does Phil Houston have that no one else in the area seems to possess? Well, for starters, he’s talented. The man is clever with wordplay, constructs multisyllable rhyme schemes, and has a rather effortless delivery over mostly infectious beats. More importantly, however, he has an uncanny ability to write hits. Nearly every song in Pyro’s set from Pieces To The Puzzle has an element of crowd involvement that ranges from the call-and-response hook on “Where Ya At?” to easy fill-in-the-blank lyrics on “Eat By Any Means.” Also, in the past five months or so, Pyro has built up a large enough following based on his performances that the crowd is already familiar with his words, despite the fact that the actual album wasn’t released until late August. While Pieces To The Puzzle is awesome in its own right, Pyro is one of those rare performers that you absolutely have to see live. His songs come alive in a way that is absent on the record and it’s impossible to get the full experience of the album without going to a show.

Quality of music is not the only hip-hop element where Pyro has exceeded the competition. The man exudes a level of swag that is absent from most performers. Before his set, Pyro was walking around the club with a microphone in his hand, entertaining the crowd with playful banter and introducing people as they walked in. Not a lot of people could get away with talking over a crowd of hundreds and avoid becoming the target of some tomato throwing. Also, in a party that was advertised as an all-black attire affair, Houston naturally showed up in an all-white outfit, making sure he stood out like a bride at a wedding ceremony. It’s a rare occurrence when an artist displays this kind of confidence and has the ability to back it up with good music.

The contrast between Houston and your average local rapper becomes evident when he decides to share the stage with his fellow HMH Entertainment cohorts. During the middle of his set, Pyro gave way to teammates Richie Rich and Push Capone and the level of interest given to the performers noticeably dimmed. This isn’t necessarily a knock on these guys–Push has as much raw talent as anyone in Bremerton and Richie Rich’s “Wanna Be My” is a hit in the making–it just goes to show that Pyro has reached a level of performing rap songs that nobody in this area has come close to touching.

It would be easy for naysayers to claim that Pyro’s popularity will only go as far as the celebrity of his best friend Marvin Williams will carry him. While it certainly doesn’t hurt to have a National Champion and NBA baller plastered on your show flyers, the actual impact that Williams has on Houston’s rap career is minimal. The origin of the diamond-encrusted medallion that Pyro wears around his neck is up for debate, but Williams has nothing to do with the financing behind any of HMH Entertainment’s ventures–whether it’s studio time, producing albums, or designing and manufacturing the now ubiquitous “I Run Bremerton” shirts–all of it is self-funded from within the company. As far as getting heads in the door at a show, sure, Marvin Williams is a good draw, but spend some time at a Pyro show and it will be obvious who everyone really came to see.

It’s amazing how far Pyro has come in such a short time and it’s refreshing to see someone have a shot at realizing their dreams. At this point, it’s safe to say the young emcee has nothing left to prove in his hometown. Pieces To The Puzzle is a strong debut album that has enough mass appeal that it should at least get Pyro some buzz going in Seattle and possibly even nationwide via the internet. As long as he stays focused, there’s no reason Pyro can’t accomplish his own goal: “We run Bremerton, now it’s time to take the state.” Congratulations Young Phil, you’re a star in the making.

Download Pyro’s album here.

rap name: Pyro PiH
Album: Pieces To The Puzzle 2.0
HMH Entertainment
Twitter @pyropih
reverbnation.com/pyropih
facebook.com/pyropih

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Revisiting 1990: The Grifters

August 27, 2010

Considered For: Top 5

“I looked and I looked and believe me, brother, I kissed a lot of fucking frogs…”

The Grifters has flown under my radar for twenty years now. I had never even heard of this movie until I started looking at the 1990 movie list, but a cast starring Anjelica Huston, John Cusack, and Annette Bening in a movie about con artists sold me immediately. A production credit from Martin Scorsese didn’t hurt it’s resume either. Despite its relative obscurity, The Grifters was immediately bumped to the top of my Netflix queue.

As noted, this is a movie about con artists filmed by then British director Stephen Frears. The story centers around short con man Roy Dillon (Cusack) and the women in his life. It’s clear from the beginning of the film that Roy is into small cons, like showing a bartender a $20 bill and then swapping it out for a $10 when the bartender comes back to make change for him… or using word play to his advantage for small gains against bar customers. His mother, Lily (Huston), is in a different league, however. She makes rounds at the horse tracks to place large bets for a mob-type organization, diving in at the last second to tip the odds. Not being educated on horse racing, it’s a concept that goes over my head, but I suspect she’s playing for high stakes, both in terms of money and her own personal safety. Roy’s girlfriend Myra (Bening) is a bit more of an enigma. She’s not as easy to figure out and Bening initially plays the character as happy-go-lucky and somewhat naive, but something still tells you that it’s the character doing the acting here. I don’t think it’s a spoiler to say she might be the biggest con artist of them all. The core of the movie kicks in when Lily and Myra meet after Roy is hospitalized for a life-threatening injury suffered when a con goes wrong. In a way, the two women are threatened and intrigued by each other, an obsession that could have tragic consequences.

The acting in this movie is superb. We get Oscar-nominated performances from Anjelica Huston and Annette Bening. I’ll be revisiting Ghost relatively soon, but I’ll be surprised if Whoopi Goldberg’s performance is really better than Bening’s in this movie. In a lot of ways, Myra was my favorite character. She’s demented to a degree that the Dillons haven’t really reached yet. Myra is more than willing to use her sexuality to her advantage, even trading sex with her undesirable landlord in exchange for rent. Roy is completely ignorant of his woman’s indiscretions and it’s Bening’s performance within a performance that has him none the wiser. Myra has the wool pulled over everyone’s eyes… until she meets Lily. I wouldn’t ever name Anjelica Huston amongst my favorite actresses–she always seems to play every role with a detached and emotionless air, think The Addam’s Family and The Royal Tenenbaums–but it’s hard to say she’s not consistently solid in her roles. Even though Lily had Roy when she was 14 and didn’t have much to do with raising him, you still get a sense that she loves him and feels responsible for what he has become. She recognizes he’s not really cut out for “grifting” and is frequently suggesting he find another career. Speaking of Roy, John Cusack gives a solid performance as well. In fact, it was his character that hooked me into this movie immediately. In a lot of ways, Roy is the mark here, but Cusack’s calm confidence in the opening scenes makes you think he just might have it all figured out. All in all, a great set of performances from every one involved.

While the Academy recognized the acting performances in this movie, The Grifters may have been overlooked in the Best Picture department. Granted, I’m still early in my quest of 1990 movies, but I know for sure it’d rank in my top 5 at the moment, which at least gives it an edge over The Godfather: Part III, which was nominated. The story here is based on a novel, but I’ve never read it, so I have no basis for commenting on the translation to the big screen, but it did get a nomination for Best Adapted Screenplay and I’ve read that a lot of the dialogue is taken word for word from the book… dialogue that is often very good. I enjoyed the story here and was highly invested in all the characters. You can’t help but root for Roy in this movie… he’s out of his league dealing with his mother and girlfriend, which in a way, makes him more likable than Lily and Myra. I also can’t help but point out Jeremy Piven’s cameo in this movie. Piven was never a household name until Entourage, so it’s kind of funny seeing him in his earlier days as a relatively unknown. You can still see some of the character tics that Ari’s made famous today.

I’ve never heard one person I know mention this movie, so hopefully this review can open some eyes. The Grifters is a solid film, with an interesting story and some great performances. Bening is terrific here and the movie is fun, despite a noticeably dark tone. Anyone that’s never seen this movie, should at least give it a shot. I highly doubt you’ll walk away disappointed. It’s possible The Grifters will make my final Top 5 of 1990 list, but I can guarantee it will at least be in the Top 10. Check it out.

Grade: A-
Viewings: 1
Replay Value: Maybe not collection worthy, but I’d definitely watch it again.
Sequel Potential: None
Oscars?: Four nominations: Anjelica Huston for Best Actress, Annette Bening for Best Supporting Actress, Best Adapted Screenplay, and Stephen Frears for Best Director.
Nudity?: Annette Bening gets VERY naked… a couple times… and she’s spectacular.

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Revisiting 1990: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

August 24, 2010

Considered For: Guilty Pleasure

“You’re a claustrophobic!” — “You want a fist in the mouth? I’ve never even looked at another guy.”

Yeah, I went there. Not all the movies I’m going to be revisiting are because of Top 5 potential. Each year, I also want to take a look at my the top sequels, animated films, comedies, horror flicks, sports movies and guilty pleasures. I would define a guilty pleasure, in this case, as a movie that isn’t particularly great in the grand scheme of things, but either holds a special place in my heart because it’s a childhood favorite or has qualities that make it fantastic that don’t normally coincide with top film-making. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles certainly fits the bill. I grew up on The Turtles, so there’s an obvious sense of nostalgia here and while I didn’t particularly love the original TMNT movie as a youngster, when I was scrolling through the 1990 film list, I immediately wanted to see it again.

It’s silly to say this now, as an adult, but I actually think the first Turtles movie was a little dark. You have Raphael saying “damn” and “bitchin'” throughout the movie, which isn’t shocking today, but in 1990 I was eight, and I never heard any of the Turtles use that kind of language on the cartoon show. I remember as a child that it struck me and I remember thinking the film was a little boring. Even though I can see it’s clearly a campy movie now, it didn’t seem that way when I was young. I always preferred the sequel Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze as a kid, something I now recognize as the inferior film.

Another thing I remember being disappointed about was the lack of any recognizable bad guys outside of Shredder and the Foot Clan. Seriously, no Rocksteady and Bebop? Three movies later and these guys still haven’t made an appearance. It’s an unforgivable exclusion. No Baxter Stockman? Come on! These are not only easy, but essential villains in the TMNT universe. I can understand why The Rat King, Leatherhead, and even Krang weren’t included, but I still can’t get over the fact that in four TMNT movies total, only Shredder and the Foot Clan have been used from a pool of a pretty solid rogues gallery. Snoooooooooze.

Thankfully, I’ve had twenty years to get over all of this and revisiting this movie in 2010 was actually fun. It’s rare that I like a movie I watched frequently as a kid more as an adult. Usually in this situation, I can barely stomach getting through one of my childhood favorites. While this TMNT movie is often corny, it’s actually a fairly decent origin story. As much as I want to ridicule a caged rat mimicking his master’s martial arts moves, I have to remember that I’m willingly and knowingly watching a movie about fully grown, Ninjutsu-performing, TALKING turtles. I forgive you scriptwriters!

The story here is pretty simple. Our heroes have been secretly living and training in the sewers of New York for over a decade. On the surface, the city has become overrun with organized crime and the Turtles rise above to start cleaning things up. This ruffles the armor of Shredder, the leader of The Foot Clan, and mastermind behind the majority of crime taking place in New York. He has taken in the rejected and morally challenged youth of the city and has created an army of ninjas. We come to discover that the Turtles mutated rat of a sensei, Splinter, has a history with this Shredder and the beef between the two camps becomes personal, especially after Splinter is kidnapped. Meanwhile, April O’Niell (Judith Hoag), the only news reporter that suspects the truth behind the crime rise, becomes the Turtles first human friend. Together, along with vigilante Casey Jones (Elias Koteas), they all set out to stop the Foot Clan from further damaging the city.

It’s pretty easy to nitpick this movie to death. My favorite scene in the movie is when Raphael puts on a trench coat and a hat to roam the city. Granted, he looks like a freak in a costume, but if we’re supposed to look at these characters as realistic, I’d have to assume that Raph’s disguise isn’t really cutting it amongst civilized people. It’d be one thing if he was completely devoid of human interaction, but Raphael has several encounters while costumed and somehow, no one is the wiser. I also like the fact that once kidnapped, Splinter is chained to a wall looking like Jesus on the cross, but is completely unsupervised and readily accessible to even the lowest of Shredder’s henchmen. It’s the type of nonsense that Austin Powers pokes fun at whenever Dr. Evil manages to imprison an enemy.

The costumes in this movie are also ridiculous. Yeah, it was twenty years ago, but it’s quite an embarrassing effort considering a movie as advanced as Terminator 2: Judgement Day came out less than a year later, followed by Jurassic Park in 1993. Those movies make TMNT look like it was made in 1980. I actually paused the movie last night during a scene where Michaelangelo pulls out a container of turtle wax and turns to Donatello to say something… you can see the separation between the head and torso sections of the stuntman’s costume! What part of the film editing game is that?

It seems like I’m griping, but in some way, it’s these flaws that make TMNT so endearing. I don’t think anyone involved with this movie thought they were going to be getting Oscar attention or critical raves. They set out to make a movie that kids that grew up on the cartoon could enjoy and I think they did a fairly decent job. With the exception of Donatello, the personalities of the Turtles were accurately depicted in the adaptation. I also like the fact that Shredder is a menacing and formidable foe, unlike his mostly hapless TV series counterpart. The casting of Elias Koteas was spot on for Casey Jones. In a film filled with laughable acting, he put in a laudable effort, despite some terrible dialogue.

It’s certainly easy to laugh at this movie twenty years later, but last time I checked laughing is an enjoyable activity, so TMNT is alright in my book, regardless of whether some of the humor is intended or not. In no way is this a good film, but in a lot of ways it is a fun one. We all know a better Turtles movie could have been made–and it was with 2007’s TMNT–but the original can still be viewed fondly, and I think the best Turtles movie is still ahead of us. I’m not going to offer any stern recommendations here, but revisiting the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles isn’t the worst way to spend a couple hours of a day.

Grade: B-
Viewings: 5-7
Replay Value: Surprisingly decent
Sequel Potential: 3 sequels have been made and I doubt we’re done yet.
Oscars?: No Best Costumes nomination?! What does the Academy want?!
Nudity?: We get plenty of turtles in a half shell, but the highlight is seeing April O’Niel’s nipples poking through her blouse.

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Revisiting 1990: The Godfather: Part III

August 22, 2010

Considered For: Top 5, Best Sequel

“Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in.”

Here are some interesting facts: I own three movies that were released in the year 1990; all of them are sequels; and until last night, I had owned one of them for at least eight years and had never seen it. That movie would be Francis Ford Coppola’s conclusion to his The Godfather trilogy (the other two 1990 movies I own are Die Hard 2 and Child’s Play 2). There are a couple of reasons why I never bothered to watch The Godfather: Part III even though it is a sequel to two of the best films ever made. One, it was released sixteen years after The Godfather: Part II, which is a bad omen in itself. Two, when people talk about the best movies ever made, they always mention the first two Godfather films, but never the last one; it’s almost as if it doesn’t exist. Lastly, I’ve heard a lot of talk over the years that Sofia Coppola’s performance in the movie completely ruined it.

I finally forced myself into watching the last Godfather movie because of this column and after noticing that it actually was nominated for Best Picture, which surprised me because I’ve long thought it was a universally hated film. It was nominated for seven Oscars in total and even has a respectable 7.6 rating on IMDB.com. For all the negative energy surrounding this movie, when I blew the dust off the cover, I discovered that it was actually somewhat critically acclaimed and probably worthy of viewing for my Revisiting 1990 column.

Oh my God, wake me up when it’s over. That pretty much sums up my thoughts on The Godfather: Part III. You have to ask yourself: was that really necessary? It’s been sixteen years… your two Godfather films have been widely accepted as two of the five best films ever made… Mr. Coppola, why are you revisiting this franchise? Did this story really need to be told? After watching it, I’m going to say NO. Unlike the first two films, which have many memorable and iconic characters, this movie doesn’t really make much of an impression. Al Pacino doesn’t even seem like he’s playing the same person. He reminds me nothing of the Michael Corleone I remember and he looks sixty years older. With the exception of Kay (Diane Keaton) and Connie (Talia Shire), and some verbal and visual references to the first two films, this movie might as well have nothing to do with them.

It’s kind of hard to say what the story was here. I honestly had a hard time following it. I don’t know if it was actually confusing or if I just was having difficulty because I didn’t care about it. From what I did manage to retain, Michael Corleone is trying to legitimize his business. He has become estranged from Kay and his children, Mary (Sophia Coppola) and Anthony (Franc D’Ambrosio), and is reunited with them in this film. He’s displeased to hear that his son would rather sing opera than finish his degree in law. His son also wishes to have no part of Michael’s business. Michael is introduced to Vincent Mancini (Andy Garcia), who is apparently Michael’s brother Sonny’s illegitimate son and Vincent is more than happy to carry on the family business. Blah blah blah blah blah.

Seriously, who cares? What annoys me the most about this film is that it simply did not have to be made. The story here isn’t nearly strong enough to bring the franchise out of retirement after a sixteen year slumber. Mr. Coppola, you already made two of the greatest films ever, please don’t spoil it with a convoluted third installment. If there was a story dying to be told here, then I’d understand, but in my opinion, the script is the worst part about this movie. It’s not like the extremely belated sequel can’t be done. Toy Story 3 did it extremely well as recently as this year.

While the script was by far the biggest offender for me, the casting of Sofia Coppola is deservedly panned. She honestly does a laughably bad job in this movie. While the immensely talented actors around her naturally deliver their lines, she’s sounds like she’s doing an imitation of bad dialogue. Something about the way she says her lines screams that there is someone in this movie that doesn’t belong. Kudos to Coppola not letting this role ruin her self-esteem and growing up to become a pretty talented filmmaker in her own right. As if the casting of his own daughter wasn’t suspect enough the role called for an incestuous relationship. Sleeping with your first cousin is still considered incest, right? Seriously? Your own daughter? In her first major acting role? Good job, buddy.

While it might seem like I hated everything about The Godfather: Part III, I did enjoy Andy Garcia’s performance as Vincent Mancini. He’s the lone character that seemed like he would’ve been at home in the world created in the first two films and thus, is the really the only character I liked in this movie. He gets to shine in a quite a few scenes, particularly when a couple of would-be hit me break into his apartment and find themselves in an interrogation. I also enjoyed his line to Mary Corleone: “Love someone else.” Garcia was one of the few bright spots in an otherwise cloudy movie.

I don’t really understand how The Godfather: Part III received seven Academy Award nominations. It makes me wonder if these people saw the same film I did. Could they really tell me today, with a straight face, that they would rather watch this movie instead of Miller’s Crossing? I’ll give them credit for recognizing Andy Garcia’s performance, but Best Picture and Best Director for one of the more disappointing sequels of all-time? Really? While Coppola might have gotten a pass based on past credentials at the 1991 Academy Awards, my recommendation to everyone else is to skip this movie (or pretend like it doesn’t exist) and remember the first two Godfather films as the great pillars of film excellence that they are and not let this last entry tarnish their memory.

Grade: C-
Viewings: 1
Replay Value: Not much. I would watch it again someday to see if I can better follow the story.
Sequel Potential? Has it been sixteen years yet? God, let’s hope not.
Oscars: Undeserved nominations for Best Picture and Best Director. Five more nominations, including a deserved nom for Andy Garcia in the Best Supporting Actor category.
Nudity? Bridget Fonda has a decent scene. Not sure if you actually see anything though.

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Mission: Impossible – Quitting Nicotine (Day 5)

August 22, 2010

Okay, last night was a total bitch… just as I thought it would be. I actually did stop at the gas station, but I stopped for something to drink, not for chew. As I was paying though, I thought about how easy it would be to purchase a can and just simply not tell anyone. If I were to buy a can last night and suddenly not update this section of my blog for a few days, would anyone even know? Who am I doing this for anyways? Well, I made it through the night.

Today, I woke up and read an interesting comment on one of my Mission:Impossible posts. The poster said “Quitting nicotine needs no willpower if you a)understand the true facts and b)decide you don’t want to take nicotine any more.” Naturally, this poster didn’t share what the “true facts” are and added “If you think about [it], why would it take any willpower not to do something you don’t want to do. At the moment you are deriving yourself of something you still want to do.” This is a fair point and it’s one I often thought about when I quit drinking for the first time. Any time I heard someone say they were going to try and do something or try to quit something, I would just smirk to myself knowing that they would fail. In my mind, if you needed to try to ween yourself off something, you might as well save yourself the pain and effort. You don’t try to quit anything, you simply do it.

It made me wonder what this man that commented on my post does with his day. Does he get on Google and search for the keywords “quitting smoking” or “please come rain on my parade” and stop by for a reality check that wasn’t asked for in the first place? Listen, I know this is a hopeless task. Why do you think I named it Mission: Impossible? What I don’t need is someone stopping by and bringing me down for trying to achieve a goal, no matter how far-fetched it may be. Do I want to quit using nicotine? When I was at the gas station today looking at my favorite brand, my body was sure as hell saying “No… No you do not.” But logic says a completely different thing.

So yeah, I’m going to use willpower to quit nicotine. But really all that means is that I’m using willpower to get through the tough part… the first couple weeks. Believe me, I want nothing more than to say “screw it” and admit that this poster was right. Honestly, a fresh can of chewing tobacco sounds more satisfying right now than a blowjob from Angelina Jolie. So no, I don’t want to quit and yes, I’ll probably fail in the end… but do me a favor, if you’re going to visit this section of my blog and post comments, please try to keep them positive. I need cheerleaders, not naysayers.

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